Some Rather Old But Still Funny Anti-UNIX Jokes (One Liners)

2009-12-28 502 words 3 mins read

<a href=""><img src="" alt="" align="bottom" />You may have heard a lot of anti-<a class="zem_slink freebase/en/microsoft" title="Microsoft" rel="homepage" href="">Microsoft jokes before since you can read them everywhere. However, it&#8217;s pretty rare to find anti-UNIX/Linux jokes. So I would like to share with you some pretty old but still funny anti-UNIX one-liners. Enjoy!

  • If <a class="zem_slink freebase/en/unix" title="Unix" rel="wikipedia" href="">Unix is the answer, then it must have been a stupid question.

  • Unix is the only virus with a command-interface.

  • How can an <a class="zem_slink freebase/en/operating_system" title="Operating system" rel="wikipedia" href="">operating system from 1970 (UNIX) be more modern than an operating system from 1978 (<a class="zem_slink freebase/en/openvms" title="OpenVMS" rel="homepage" href="">VMS)?

  • Unix – the first <a class="zem_slink freebase/en/computer_virus" title="Computer virus" rel="wikipedia" href="">computer virus.

  • <a class="zem_slink freebase/en/network_file_system" title="Network File System (protocol)" rel="wikipedia" href="">NFS = Nightmare File System.

  • Berkeley is famous for LSD and <a class="zem_slink freebase/en/berkeley_software_distribution" title="Berkeley Software Distribution" rel="wikipedia" href="">BSD UNIX. I don&#8217;t think that is a coincidence.

  • Sure, the Unix <a class="zem_slink freebase/en/file_system" title="File system" rel="wikipedia" href="">file system corrupts your files, but look how fast it is!

  • Friends don&#8217;t let friends use Unix.

  • Unix – the ideal operating system for CPU&#8217;s that are never powered up.

  • Nothing wrong with UNIX that a total redesign and rewrite cannot fix.

  • UNIX will be preempted by <a class="zem_slink freebase/en/windows_nt" title="Windows NT" rel="wikipedia" href="">NT. UNIX doesn&#8217;t know it yet – it won&#8217;t notice until it&#8217;s too late, because UNIX is the Yugoslavia of software, at war with itself — but it&#8217;s all over.

  • The users of Unix systems said speed wasn&#8217;t an issue when the Alpha chip was released. The same people tell their wives and girlfriends that size doesn&#8217;t matter.

  • If Unix were a beer, then it would be shipped in open casks so that anybody could piss in it before delivery.

  • UNIX is user friendly. It&#8217;s just selective about who its friends are.

  • UNIX is akin to a religion to some. If things aren&#8217;t done like they are in UNIX, then they must be bad. Sorry, I don&#8217;t believe in this religion.

  • UNIX is a four-letter word!

  • VI = Virtually Incomprehensible.

  • Unix is about as user friendly as a blow in the back from an ice-pick, only not quite as productive.

  • What has happened, when a system-manager gets gray-haired in one day? One day with a UNIX system!

  • How do you pronounce UNIX? You Nix!

  • Cretin and UNIX both start with C.

  • The scariest thing about Jurassic Park was that the control systems were Unix.

  • Why is using a UNIX system like being an Enuch? Every time you go to do something important, you realize something critical is missing.

If you know of other funny anti-UNIX/<a href="">Linux jokes, please share them with us via comment.

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Authored By Amit Agarwal

Amit Agarwal, Linux and Photography are my hobbies.Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

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